Comments on Numbers! by Gordon H Sharp
- Pretty nice. I didn't notice the center of the story was on Freddie until the lasts paragraphs. Freddie's behavior made me think about those people who live without an ultimate goal. How can you reach any place, if you don't know where you're going to? It seems insanity to live forty years just waiting for the death. But when I come to think about those people who work more than ten hours a day, and realize that they are going nowhere, not building anything but bosses' richness and are totally discredited by the society and their own family, what can they do? Start screaming aloud for justice, or just restrain themselves, accepting everything silently, and living like ghosts, that no one would notice until their dead bodies start to stink. If you think it's worth doing something to help someone whose situation is similar, please do it. The soul needs light, as the body needs air. Rafael Tassoniero
- An enjoyable story, and I didn't see the end coming, but a bit wordy in parts and with a few too many adjectives. Switching viewpoint characters, from the sergeant to Freddie, isn't allowed in such a short story, it dissipates the narrative. That of course makes it almost impossible to write. Overall, though, I think the idea was strong but would benefit from a bit of reworking; build up the suspense a bit. I noticed also some misplaced full stops around brackets which should have been removed in the final editing. JS
- Hi, just read your story you certainly played with the readers emotions, very good.
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