Comments on October 1st by Emma Spires
- Hi Emma I quite liked your story, it came with a certain mood. A couple of things I didn't like was your opening sentence. In my opinion you haven't used the best choice of words to grab my attention. You were nearly there but spoiled it by using the word 'that'. You could have used coffee in your opening 'hook'. Rather than tell I'll let you work it out for
yourself. Also, the last line was a little abrupt. What if there were an accident and she was asked to identify her
mother, and then there is the funeral? You could bring those points in to double your impact for an ending to the story.
Best wishes with your writing. Cleveland W. Gibson, 'Moondust' author
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