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FICTION on the WEB short stories by Charlie Fish

The Last Weekend
by Krystyna Smallman

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Dear teacher

Please excuse me the write but I have only one sane finger to pulse keys so some things I can't write because they are in the top part. When you read what terrible thing that happened to me you understand all.

The Last Weekend

The last weekend was horrible. I was thinking that I will die. I will explain you it. On Saturday my parents went to Ikea.

They said Paco, you look after your little sister Carmen.

I said But today I meet with my friends and we play football.

They said Paco, you forget the football, you look after your sister.

I said but I already told it to my friends.

My father said - Paco, you listen to me.

And he was speaking and speaking about you can't do all that you want in the life and the family is important and you have responsibility etc, and I said Ok ok, I look after Carmen.

Then they went out and I stayed with my sister. Carmen has three years and she is very nice and very pretty and I like it but this day I didn't want to stay with her.

Now I must admit something.

I lied to my parents when I said that I want to play football with my friends. Yes, I know that this is bad and I feel myself bad, believe it please, but I couldn't tell the true, it was impossible.

The true was this.

In my maths class there is a girl whose name is Teresa. She is very very beautiful. Always I wanted to go out with her but I was fearsome to ask, very. I told this to my friend Antonio and I said please not to tell Teresa and he said ok. After the maths class Teresa went to me with her friend Sandra.

Teresa said Antonio said you want to speak with me.

I said Er.

My face put itself like a tomato and Sandra laughed.

Teresa said What do you want to tell me + question mark

I said Er.

Sandra said Let's go, Teresa, he is imbecil.

Teresa said On Saturday I will go to the centre for coffee.

I said Oh.

Sandra said Why do you speak with this imbecil + question mark

Teresa said Do you want to go too + question mark

I said Yes.

Teresa gave me her telephone number and Sandra spun her eyes and she looked at me like I was an insect, a cockroach maybe.

I didn't want to tell my parents because then they will start with the questions and my father speaking and speaking about responsibility and secure sex etc and I couldn't support that.

So now I had a big problem.

What I could do + question mark Three possibles. 1. Meet with Teresa and with Carmen. 2. Invite Teresa to my house. 3. Telephone Teresa and say I can't go. Quickly I saw that possible 3 was impossible because she won't believe that I must look after Carmen and she will think this is excuse and never she will speak to me. Also possible 1 was impossible because my parents said I must stay at home with Carmen and if they discover that I take her to the centre they can be angry and my father will speak more about responsibility etc.

So, possible 2. I telephoned Teresa.

I said I'm sorry but I must look after my little sister. Do you want to come to my house for coffee + question mark

Teresa said -

I said Teresa + question mark

Teresa said

After a long time Teresa said I'll come to your house, but I'll take Sandra.

No no no, not Sandra, oh my God + exclamation mark

I said ok.

They arrived and rang the bell. Trembling very much, I opened the door.

Teresa was too beautiful with a little pink blouse. Sandra had a black T-shirt that said DO NOT DISTURB. I'M ALREADY DISTURBED They entered.

Teresa said Where is your sister + question mark

Sandra said You see, he hasn't got a sister.

I said She's in the living-room.

We went to the living-room where Carmen was on the floor with her bear. I looked at Sandra but she didn't look at me.

Teresa said Oh she is very pretty.

Then Teresa took up Carmen and started to kiss her, mua mua.

I was thinking Lucky Carmen.

When we sat down on the sofa to drink the coffee Sandra sat down in the middle. Now my head put itself blank completely and I didn't speak and they didn't speak and nobody was speaking, only drinking the coffee and watching Carmen play with her bear. Suddenly, Teresa's mobile rang and she answered it. It was Ildefonso. All the girls like Ildefonso.

All the girls say Oh Ildefonso + exclamation mark He is too sexy, he is exactly same as Justin Timberlake.

I don't understand it. They are crazy. Ildefonso is too chulo, always with the sunglasses and the little smile that says - Look, I'm too sexy, I'm exactly same as Justin Timberlake. And he had Teresa's telephone number. And she was speaking and laughing and laughing and speaking and she seemed very happy to do these things.

I said to Sandra Is Ildefonso Teresa's boyfriend + question mark

Sandra said You are imbecil.

We didn't speak more, and I was listening to Teresa to see if she was his girlfriend.

Then two things happened together.

First I heard the noise of something fall, and second I saw Carmen wasn't in the living-room. I jumped and went out running and found Carmen in the next room.

Disaster + exclamation mark

Carmen had broken my grandmother. She was dead and her dust was in a pot that Carmen broke. Now my grandmother was everywhere, inclusive on my sister. Then Carmen started to eat the dust.

I said No, don't eat your grandmother + exclamation mark

Then I entered in panic mode.

I took up Carmen and ran to the bathroom and washed her face and hands, then I ran to her room and changed her dress because it was covered in my grandmother, then I ran to the living-room where Teresa was yet speaking on the mobile and I threw Carmen to her and said You look after her, and I ran to the next room.

I said Ok, Paco, stop, be calmed, no panic, relax yourself, don't worry be happy. First you repair the pot, then you put your grandmother in the pot, and so nobody knows what happened and your parents don't kill you.

I collected the pieces of pot and I found the glue Magic Touch. Now, another problem. When I pulsed the tube the glue didn't exit. So I took the scissors and I cut the other end of the tube, and then the glue exited. I put it on two pieces of pot and they joined in one second, perfectly. I was so happy.

Then two things happened together.

First a lot of glue exited on my hands, and second Sandra came in the room.

Sandra said We must go now.

Oh no, she was going to walk on my grandmother.

Without think, quickly, I put out my hand to stop her and it went on her front part and my fingers became joined to DISTURB on her T- shirt in one second, perfectly.

Sandra said You pervertido, you take off yourself.

And she hit me, plaf.

It was impossible, I couldn't take my hand from her front part.

So she hit me again, plaf, and again, plaf, plaf. I put my other hand up to protect myself and she hit it and our hands became joined in one second, perfectly.

Now she became savage.

She was screaming and kicking me like I was a football and all the time I was trying to pull her far from my grandmother. Then Teresa went in running.

Teresa said What are you doing?

Sandra said He is a pervertido, this imbecil.

I said It's the Magic Touch.

Then I said Don't walk on my grandmother.

Teresa looked at me like I was a pervertido and also completely crazy like a goat. Finally, Teresa called a taxi and we all went to the hospital, to Urgencias, and she called my parents and they went to Urgencias, too.

My mother said Why was your hand on this girl's front part, Paco + question mark

The doctor and everybody looked at me and my face put itself like a tomato.

I said Because I didn't want her to walk on my grandmother.

The doctor and nurse looked at themselves like call the psychiatrist quickly. So I explained everything.

Then I said I'm very very very sorry.

Then two things happened together.

First my mother started crying, and second my father started speaking about idiot sons without responsibility etc.

At last the doctor separated me from Sandra and my skin, and my parents took me home.


PS. Probably you are asking Why did Paco explain me all this + question mark

I'll tell you.

My parents don't know yet that I failed English. Already they are angry with me. I'm punished and I can't go out during the rest of my life. If they discover that I failed, two things will happen together. First my father will speak about I must work hard and that English is important, and second they will kill me. So I worked hard and wrote this, only with one sane finger to pulse the keys and use the dictionary. It has much merit, no + question mark

So please x 100, can I pass English + question mark

PS. AGAIN. Teresa now is my girlfriend.

She said Paco, you are too funny, you are exactly same as Mr Bean.

Fortunately, Teresa prefers Mr Bean to Justin Timberlake. Ha + exclamation mark

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